October 19, 2009 -- Dear Diary: (inspired by the role of a diary in the much publicized Dave Letterman sex scandal it seemed worth a shot to keep one in case it might tempt readership since nosey people like to peek into private documents looking for salacious material).
Monday, 10-12:
I learned that I do not have to worry about a lower value of the U.S. dollar … or at least Nobel Prize economist and NYT columnist Paul Krugman says so. He claims it could be a good thing if it means we can manufacture more goods to ship abroad, more jobs, more profits. More exports, less imports. Sounds good although it means a vacation trip to Disneyland would be more economical than a trip to, say, Paris although it might be hard to tell the difference.
Krugman also speaks out against “obsessive fear of inflation even in the face of deflation; opposition to easy credit, even when the economy desperately needs it, on the grounds that it would be somehow corrupting; assertions that even if the government can create jobs it shouldn’t, because this would only be an “artificial” recovery.”
Whether true or not, it is a comforting way to start the week.
On the other hand, this is not so comforting: it is brought to our attention today that the Mayan calendar runs out on December 21, 2012, the time when the cosmic clock ticks down to zero. Apparently, at that time “Bolon Yokte,” a Mayan God associated with birth and creation, will descend from the sky in a sort of Central American version of the “Rapture.” At least, then, we can stop worrying about the next presidential election in 2012. And in a variation on the old joke about the elderly not buying green bananas, no point in inventing in a five-year financial instrument.
The same article that brought me that good news warned of a “peak in explosive storms on the surface of the sun (which) could knock out North America's power grid for years, triggering food shortages, water scarcity — a collapse of civilization.”
Now I’ve got to go back and read Krugman again. Who would have thought an economist could be comforting.
Tuesday, 10-13:
A couple of columnists, Bob Herbert in the New York Times and E. J. Dionne in the Washington Post, wrote about “social cognitive neuroscience” and “status anxiety” in conjunction with connection of where Obama hatred comes from. Some of it being pure racial, but a lot of it stems from the unemployed or underemployed lesser educated white males feeling irrelevant. In men 20 or over, unemployment is 10.3 percent while among women it is 7.8 percent. What’s a guy to do, go apply for a job in drag?
Herbert reports school districts around the country have laid off 40,000 teachers over the past year. Dionne writes it is, “the ordinary guy versus these elites, the opera-watching, latte-sipping elites.” I don’t know where that leaves those of us who listen to Diana Krall and drink dirty martinis.
Ken Hoffman in the Houston Chronicle let me know that “El Rushho,” like it or not the most successful broadcaster in radio history, will be a judge at the Miss America pageant in Las Vegas in January, to be telecast on TLC. Obviously the event picked him because of late the ratings for this event have dropped so low it’s hardly been worth the time contestants take to get into their pushup bras. And why not? Limbaugh tells us how to think on every other subject, why not on feminine beauty.
Wednesday, 10-14:
More on Rush Limbaugh being part of a group attempting to buy an NFL football team. Some African-American players say they will not play for a team if he is an owner. I think it is a great idea. He could be the offensive coordinator. Nobody can be more offensive than Rush Limbaugh.
Maureen Dowd in the New York Times covers a Liz Cheney appearance on Fox News last Sunday still talking about a “liberated Iraq,” how the Obama Nobel Prize was “a farce” that he should send a mother of a fallen soldier to accept on behalf of the U.S. military. Doesn’t that beg the question of who got that Mother’s son fallen in the first place?
Liz has started an organization called “Keep America Safe” in partnership with Bill Kristol of the American Standard. Kristol was the leading light of a group that sent a letter to Bill Clinton in 1998 urging him to invade Iraq, but had to wait about four years until they had a chance to do it themselves. Others on the letter: Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Perle, John Bolton, Dick Cheney, and Scooter Libby. I believe we have to keep America safe from these people.
Thomas Friedman in The New York Times wrote about the Afghan government being run like a Mafia organization, and has very little respect from the Afghan people. What are we supposed to do then, replace their Don with one of our guys, say James Gandolfini? His point is until there is a government the Afghans are willing to live under more troops will only delay a defeat.
The Republican National Committee’s new Web site, GOP.com, had many crashes and was found to be full of errors. Considering my own checkered history of dealing with things electronic I should be sympathetic, but one of the problems is just too delicious to pass up: the section labeled “future leaders” was completely blank. That sort of says it all. You can’t make a comment to top that.
The story about Keith Bardwell, the judge in Louisiana who wouldn't marry the interracial couple, heated up this week. He was just thinking about their kids he said. Since the judge believes the criteria of a relationship should be skin tones I am sending him a collection of paint chips.
The worry du jour is this: a report says that most of the Artic sea ice will be gone in a decade which could lead to flooding affecting one-quarter of the world’s population, substantial increases in greenhouse gas emissions from massive carbon pools and extreme global weather changes. Other than that, have a nice day.
Thursday, 10-15:
All hail the Dow! Yesterday it got back up to that watermark number of 10,000 which we all seem to bow to in reverence. I’ll take it, as I’ll take anything I can get, but where is the rest of that forty percent of my assets that stole away in the middle of the night when the financial rises hit? The bird is on the wing.
Back in March when the Dow went below 7,000, House Republican Leader John Boehner claimed it was reacting to the Obama presidency. Not now, or course. Its rise is due to other factors. Sean Hannity spent a lot of time back then claiming the same thing as Boehner, although frankly I can't tell them apart.
It is surprising that any news other than the story of whether the six-year-old boy is on that runaway balloon or not. Wall to wall cable coverage. If the world had come to an end we wouldn't have known about it until the balloon was down and the boy found.
It is announced that Rush Limbaugh has been dropped from the group trying to buy a NFL franchise. They didn’t even keep him on the practice squad. Well, he’s still got Las Vegas, and powder-puffed cuties are probably more satisfying company than sweaty jocks.
It is revealed that Huffington Post applies what is called A/B testing to some of its headlines. On a random basis, some readers are shown one of two headlines. The one that gets the most clicks is used for everyone else. I would do that for this piece, but that would mean I would have to write everything twice. That’s kind of like a guy in a bar trying out on his buddies different excuses to explain to his wife where he has been all evening.
Friday, 10-16:
Today we learn of the death of e-mail. According to the Wall Street Journal and other sources people are turning to the real time services such as Facebook, Twitter, and soon Google Wave. The Journal says, “Why wait for a response to an email when you get a quicker answer over instant messaging?” No more e-mail? And I almost had the hang of it. I will have to learn to reduce a piece like this one to 135 characters. Reader’s Digest gave up publication too soon. As the New Yorker Magazine once wrote, it is possible to reduce a Hemmingway novel to the one word, “Bang.”
Washington Post columnist E.J. Dionne weighed in on the Rush Limbaugh rejection of his interest in investing in an NFL team. As Dionne points out the NFL is in the business of selling tickets. They don’t see controversy selling tickets. And while Limbaugh was falsely accused on one quote that turned out to be fake, he’s had plenty of other controversial things to say, such as: “The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.” He has referred to basketball as “the favorite sport of gangs.” He has called President Obama “the greatest living example of a reverse racist" and “an angry black guy” and -- because of his biracial heritage -- a “Halfrican-American.” An equal-opportunity offender, Limbaugh also has called Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor a “reverse racist,” compared Latino illegal immigrants to an “invasive species,” and referred to Native Americans as “Injuns.” There’s more, but enough is enough.
Saturday, 10-17:
Time to reflect a little on homophobia. Last Sunday tens of thousands marched on the capital and demanded progress. Nobody paid much attention, not the media, not the Congress, not the Administration. The gay community is concerned about the President’s inaction on DADT and DOMA. The President says he’s been a little busy but he will get to it.
There were 131 Republicans who voted against adding gender to the Hate Crimes Bill, in effect telling their Log Cabin Republican brothers to go it alone. Instead of rail splitters, we get hair splitters.
Sunday, 10-18:
I want my $74,675. Frank Rich, writing in the New York Times, reports that Goldman Sachs has declared surging profits now that we have bailed them out which means they are on track to give out $23 billion in bonuses for 2009. There are three hundred and eight million of us in this country and we bailed them out. In Alaska, the oil revenue rights are owned by the state. Each year every man woman and child who is a citizen of Alaska gets a revenue check, which now is over $2,000. I say we, the people, should get that Goldman bonus money. Calculators are going to have to be redesigned. The one I use on my computer cannot handle figures this large, but if my arithmetic is correct twenty-three billion divided by three hundred and eight million comes out to $74,675. I want my money.
The “Balloon Boy” story turned out to be a hoax. The sheriff said charges will be filed. It’s too bad there isn't a way to file charges against Glenn Beck, the king of hoaxdum. There are some who believe he is pulling an elaborate joke on his audience, that he can't really believe the things he says.
Having once served as a judge at a Miss Texas beauty contest (as I have recounted far too many times before; at one time it occupied a prominent place on my resume under “notable achievements”) I feel qualified to offer some tips to contestants in the upcoming Miss America contest in which Rush Limbaugh will be one of the judges. I would not be concerned about the meat market portions of the event, prancing down the runway, striking appropriate poses in swimwear. As a man who has been married three times he must have an appreciation for pulchritude. No, what you might want to consider carefully is what you have to say when you speak. You will have a personal interview, and you will answer questions posed by the MC.
It probably would not be too smart to come off too smart. His first wife was a secretary, his second an usherette at the Kansas City Royals stadium, his third an aerobics instructor, all of whom may be great intellects but we have no evidence of such. To play it safe it might be wise to hide your intellectual prowess. That does not mean to put down these women for working at respectable occupations; it is to say that a man who has social access to men and women who are super achievers but chooses companionship less apt to provide stimulating intellectual discourse indicates perhaps different view of the role of women, especially when you take into consideration his disdains of “feminazis.” Better not appear to be a "feminazi" if Rush just wants the “little woman” at home.
With that in mind consider how you might handle the personal interview (each contestant has a personal interview with each judge). One question that is always asked is if you could meet with anyone who has ever lived in the history of the world, who would that be? In my time on the panel thirty years ago the standard answer was Albert Switzer, but in this case do not say Mother Teresa. A safer bet might be Ayn Rand for instance. If asked for favorite literary character John Galt would be a good choice. Asked for your career path, “homemaker” would be a safe answer.
If you are a woman of color do not speak of affirmative action or the civil rights movement. Not that Limbaugh is opposed to people of color; Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is a friend who officiated at the Limbaugh third marriage, but Thomas does not believe in affirmative action either, nor does he like being a person of color. Perhaps you could slip in to the conversation how you too thought quarterback McNabb was overrated because he was African-American and sports writers wanted to see my succeed (pause for a linguistic question: do you call a person born in, say, Kenya an African-American?).
Now we come to the dreaded question asked on stage in front of TV and a live audience, the question Sandra Bullock spoofed in the move “Miss Congeniality” to which the answer always had to be “World Peace.” With the influence wielded by Rush as a judge, in this case you might wish for a “World-Wide Free Market System.” Or “No More Taxes.”
Last on the list is the talent portion. Considering that there is every indication that Limbaugh believes that a woman’s place is in the home, you might alter the lyrics slightly of an old song and sing:
I want to be a little girl
To just darn his hose
Sew on buttons and press his clothes
Just a simple little to make him fall in love with me.
I want to be a little girl
That can bake a cake
That won’t give him a tummy ache
Just a simple little girl to make him fall in love with me.
I won’t ask for money to buy me fancy clothes
I’ll just stick to wash and wear and simple panty hose.
I want to be a little girl he can love a lot
I’ll pretend to be happy with whatever I’ve got
Just a simple little girl to make him fall in love with me.
Not exactly politically correct these days but it sounds like it might please Limbaugh.
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